I was lying in bed awake last night, looking through my window, and I noticed the stars and how big I know they are and how small they seem to us which got me to thinking about several things, how the universe works, how people work and most importantly, about perspective.

“What I need is perspective. The illusion of depth, created by a frame, the arrangement of shapes on a flat surface. Perspective is necessary. Otherwise there are only two dimensions. Otherwise you live with your face squashed up against a wall, everything a huge foreground, of details, close-ups, hairs, the weave of the bedsheet, the molecules of the face. Your own skin like a map, a diagram of futility, crisscrossed with tiny roads that lead nowhere. Otherwise you live in the moment. which is not where I want to be.” ― Margaret Atwood

My Friday started off pretty great as per usual with my morning workout and then I got into an argument with someone I care for. I said something and something was said back. I thought about how irrelevant the arguing was and looking back now, it’s like one of those movie scenes: in a setting of an empty coffee shop, it begins with a clear picture where there’s yelling and you see one person screaming and the picture blurs, the sound fades but you can still see the person yelling while the other one, remaining silent, starts to drift from the moment..

In the grand scheme of it all, little, petty, insignificant things —negative things— they don’t matter and they aren’t worth our time. It led me to think about other negative things, like the judgement people pass on, for instance, a single mother, without a husband and two different kids by two different fathers.. when in reality, she’s just trying her best to do with what she’s been given and she’s gone through enough life to realize that she’s in this alone, but she’s not. She’s got two mouths to feed aside from her own and two little boys to raise that she hopes will grow to be nothing like their fathers. To the people passing judgment, it seems so insignificant to sit there and criticize or devalue her worth as a woman but they do it with the normalization of drinking a glass of water. I decided a long time ago that I never want to be that kind of person, to anyone, regardless of what they’ve done.

I’ve experienced life through the lens of the person being judged everyday for most of my life, I still experience that, and there’s always a fear that I will continue to be judged  for things I have no control over. And this fear, all from knowing that not everyone has a grasp on perspective. The lessons I’ve learned and all that I’ve experienced continues to allow me to grow as a person.

A (what I would consider) friend once responded to my question, “how judgmental would you say you are?” with, “it’s not so much how judgmental you are, it’s your ability to separate that from the person enough to see past those judgments” and that resonated with me.

What I hope you think about after reading this.. is perspective. Before you judge someone, before you feed into negativity, before you walk towards something terrible or away from something great. Look at it with perspective, for a glass of water is just another glass of water to you, but a glass of water to a struggling single mother in a small corner of the earth, in a third world country, that glass of water is beautiful because to her, it could be the difference between life and death and that in itself is a beauty that many people take for granted until it is thrown into perspective of just how short it can be. So, be kind.

“I never saw an ugly thing in my life: for let the form of an object be what it may – light, shade, and perspective will always make it beautiful” – John Constable

Best Regards,




Give yourself more.

I waited around for the longest time for someone to come and give me happiness. It’s almost like I convinced myself that I needed someone else to breathe in the fresh air around me, that was before I knew what I know now.

I wanna say something for people who aren’t happy, you deserve more —but what is “more”? Maybe it’s just.. having something you’ve never been given loyalty, faith, real friendship, alone time, late night walks and 2am talks. Maybe it’s beer on a Sunday night and pancakes for dinner. Maybe it’s somebody in your life that you admire, believing in you, trusting in you, rooting for you and in your dreams when no one else will. Maybe it’s feeling like you’re not alone, or being the person that lets others know they aren’t alone— like a sense of knowing you have someone in your corner at all times and giving that feeling to someone else. Be that person and give all of those things to yourself. Give yourself more until someone else is ready to compliment that responsibility— with you, but never for you.

These days, I still feel like something is missing, but less so. I found myself, that was the hardest part. I’m still finding myself, I’m still building myself up. I’m a work in progress and I have to remind myself everyday that who I am and who I want to become are worth believing in.

Someone will come, it may be sooner or later, it may be too late and I may have already missed my chance. We can never really know because the future is dark, not in a negative way but in the way that we can never really see what lies ahead. What we can do is love ourselves enough to know that we’ll survive either way. It’s tough to go through life feeling alone, so let’s hope there’s still someone out there for us both. I hope you find who you’re looking for, if you’re not sure who that is yet, start with yourself.

Best Regards,


To be seen.

This, out of everything I’ve ever written, is probably the hardest thing I have ever shared. No one is forcing me to; However, it’s something that I feel like I need to put out there.

I’ve been invisible for most of my life. Disclaimer— It’s about to get deep so if you’re not prepared to know me yet, you’re welcome to stop reading now. Go back to your Netflix, Snapchat story, or daily social media stalking. Really, it’s cool. And enjoy your night. ❤

Otherwise, keep scrolling..

If you’re still here, let’s get to it,

I have been scared to show myself, not because I am not comfortable with who I am, but because I never know how much people want to see.  I think there are levels to getting to know people and the speed at which people get to know each other, varies. In one instance, I sat with a girl at the edge of a lake, it was around 11pm. She became my best friend literally over night. I shared secrets with her, and she did the same. We grew to love each other deeply and it didn’t take long because the experiences from our pasts we had endured brought us closer together. Then.. There was a guy, he was my first real friend. I met him at about the age of 11. It took him 12 years to finally tell me that he cared about me all throughout a time I needed someone and thought I had no one. In a way I didn’t have anyone (friend wise), because I was made to believe he didn’t care and he let me believe it. He admitted that he pushed me away because he was worried as to how that relationship would look to people on the outside. Some people I can show myself to immediately, but I’ve learned that others are more reluctant to take off their masks.

See, sometimes when you’re a little different, people treat you a little different. I think it’s mainly because they still have much to learn about the world and one of those things is that the world is infinite and vast. There is one universe, but several galaxies. There are things out there that matter more than what someone who doesn’t know the first thing about you, thinks about you. They don’t notice that YOU notice how different they treat you. They deny you the chance to know them, or they don’t care to get to know you. They’ll see one side but refuse to dig further, into the depths of your soul that is lying there, waiting to be found.

Each person is like the universe, because within that same person there are several galaxies. I see the bigger picture now and don’t get me wrong because I still care what people think, but mostly now it’s only those who have chosen to see me, that I allow to shape a little bit on how I feel and it’s how they use the power I have give them that determines who gets to stay. There were some things I had to experience first to reach that level, which is why I had to share the story about the two types of people I have experienced, so that you could better understand why writing this was so important to me.

If you’re going to come into my life whether by chance or by choice,  you’re welcome to stay. Be prepared for me to show you who I am because I’m in my 20’s and finally, I just want to be seen. If I show you parts of me that you’ve never seen before and you want more, ask, or share yourself and I’ll share back. If you’re scared to see who I am, I can help you move past that fear. Like with any other fear, it just takes time. Getting to know people is a scary thing because with that comes opening up some of yourself, and with that comes the possibility of hurt, sometimes disappointment, but there is also a rare beauty in honesty, in seeing who someone really is when no one else is watching. It feels like at the end of the day, when you’re really tired, exhausted like never before, you hop into the shower after a stressful day, and all of your problems melt away for the night, so you lay in your bed, on fresh clean sheets, in a cold room, with fluffy blankets and perfectly sized pillows, listening to your favorite music playlist. That’s kinda what it feels like to not have to hide yourself from someone significant to your life.

Unravelling someone is a messy but beautiful experience. It’s the road you take to get to their soul that truly matters. Trust, stories, secrets, mischief, memories, experiences, laughter, crying (hopefully happy as well as sad), hugs, lots of hugs.. and, of course, love, are some of the things you will encounter on this road. That’s what makes life worth it.. the love you have for the people you have seen along the way. They are the scenery that takes your breath away on your path home. They are the landscapes, the sunset, the cotton field, the night sky, and the light in the world. To be seen is to be alive. It’s to feel significant and that’s all anyone wants— to just.. matter. It has taken me a tremendous amount of courage to show you a small part of me but.. I hope to find people that I can unapologetically be myself with as well as give them that same gift, of being seen without judgement. So, when you’re ready for more, I invite you to take on the journey that is knowing me.

Best Regards,

Bombshell Boyfriend


..but you can call me, Angel.

You think you need them, but you don’t

If you’re in a toxic relationship, this one’s for you. Recently I got asked a question from one of you, I won’t say who but you inspired this post so I’m going to pour my entire heart and soul into answering it for you.

It’s never easy you know, knowing in the back of your mind that you NEED to do something but wanting to do the opposite. It’s the war on our heart brought on by our mind. I have been there a few times. And do you want to know how I got out of it? How I brought my mind and my heart to come to peace with one another?

You know he’s bad for you. Or you know she’s bad for you. Whatever the case for you.. it’s time to start thinking about yourself. Use your head for a second and ask yourself these questions: what if my mom, brother, sister, best friend, dad, aunt (whoever you know truly loves you) –knew I was in this kind of relationship? Would they be happy for me? ARE they happy for me? Would they one hundred percent support this?  More importantly, would I want this for them?

If the answer to that last question is no, use that as your motivation and let your strength come from that. Lean on your family, your friends, God– if you so choose. Leave the situation behind, think about your life for a minute or a few minutes.. Think a little further down the line, if you stayed in this relationship can you truly see yourself being happy a year from now, five years from now, forever? Do you stay because you’re happy or because you’re comfortable? There’s such a huge difference in the two. One is temporary and vulnerable to break within a second, because comfortable only lasts as long as they care for you, as long as they’re true to you, as long as you have what you have now but what happens when the relationship becomes too toxic: abuse; mentally, physically even: You DON’T want that for yourself trust me. Happiness comes from someone who loves you and if you can recognize that you’re in a toxic relationship then why would you stay.. you wouldn’t stay in a car if you knew it was about to crash would you? So why would you stay in a relationship you know won’t make you happy? No amount of temporary comfort is worth your happiness. You think you need him? Or that you need her? But you don’t. It’s just something you tell yourself to keep yourself comfortable. You only need to love yourself enough to let go of them. If they stop putting you first, try to control you, or anything that isn’t love, their love is inadequate and you can love yourself better than they can.

I brought my heart to terms with my mind by awakening inside of myself what no one else could ever take away from me; the protective instincts I have over those I love, and I turned myself into one of those people, someone I love; I started to work on me, doing things I loved, I literally ripped myself out of my comfort zone, I up and moved, there were nights I just wanted to go back home and give up. My situation was just having to deal with moving on from someone who cheated on me, but it’s scary because I have witnessed abusive relationships both mentally and physically and I can’t imagine. So do me a favor.. no, better yet do yourSELF a favor.. find a way to fall in love with yourself and your life. Turn yourself into a person your loved ones would be proud of and when that happens, I promise you that the light inside of you, your beacon.. it’ll call out to the person who will treat you right, who will love you unconditionally like you will one day do in return for them. Keep this in the back of your mind and let it be the hope you hang on to when you think of breaking down because better things are coming.

Best Regards,

Bombshell Boyfriend.


“Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.” -The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

Your time will come.

Everyone has something about them that they struggle with. Some people have issues with their weight, some people with their quirky personalities; they just don’t seem to fit in.

When I was in high school, I had this friend and at the time I was only beginning to understand the part of myself that I would struggle with for the next several years and still do some days, not because I don’t accept myself or love myself, because I definitely do (now), but because being different in the way that I am different makes it hard to get close to people.

People are so opinionated which is fine because there are people that can have completely opposite views as compared to yours and still be completely cool with you, but there are those that are too stuck in the ways they feel about a particular subject to ever be at peace with someone they feel betrays those beliefs. I’ve struggled with being shunned by people I thought cared, for nothing more than loving in a different capacity than they do. It makes it hard to get close to anyone or to want to get close to anyone, close in the way that friends should be able to, talking about relationships, issues, life, problems, concerns, joys, happiness, milestones, etc. Plainly stated: it hurts to be hated for something you can’t change.

If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that when you finally get ready to share a part of yourself with someone you care for (as a friend/best-friend), no matter how many times you mentally prepare yourself saying, “they either accept you or they don’t”; the loss of someone who you thought actually cared about you more than the differences you have never hurts any less and I’ve lost good friends because of this. It’s not something about myself that I can change, not over time, not ever. It’s not like losing weight, you can’t just drop it. You don’t choose who you love, and being attracted to the same sex is no exception to that.

Every experience with this, however awful, has made me stronger and more resilient; I can bounce back faster than most. I still care too much and I still fear that people, at the end of the day, will want to change who I am or will choose to remove themselves from my life, but I’m not afraid to be myself anymore. There comes a time in your life when you become truly comfortable in your own skin, so much so that you stop trying to hide certain parts of you.. and you just hope that the people who care about you, will care enough not to let those differences drive you apart and that someday they may even love you because of them, those attributes about you that make you “you” down to your very soul. Everyone wants to feel that kind of love and acceptance. If that time for you hasn’t come yet don’t worry, I’m here to let you know that it will, your time will come; I promise. Until then, learn to love yourself; that’s a power no one can take from you.


Best Regards,

Bombshell Boyfriend



Fraternity Initiation Weekend

I’m late on this because it happened last weekend but here goes..

Okay, so last semester I had to drop the fraternity and some of you know this and some of you don’t. Anyway this semester I moved closer and am learning to better manage my time so I thought I would rejoin after a few of the guys reached out to me. THEN, It finally happened!! (initiation weekend for the chapter I’m apart of at my university). So we all get to call ourselves “Founding Fathers”.

For obvious reasons (scared information that needs to be kept within the fraternity) I really can’t say much in detail about how our weekend went down but let me just tell y’all three simple words: SO. FUCKING. HAPPY.

There are some things I can say: We spent time together, we got to meet the president and a few alumni who are just so down to earth and genuine it’s ridiculously amazing and inviting. The chapter I’m in prides itself on not participating in hazing not only because it’s illegal but because it is hurtful and degrading to a person and I really love that about the fraternity I’m apart of. We believe in holding each other accountable but also reinforcing one another’s strengths and weaknesses. It’s like after our weekend spent together there was an instant bond that we all had because of this experience we shared. Not to mention our president told us some crazy story but I still don’t know all of my “brothers” as well as I’d like. Today I opened up and it felt good to be honest. I feel like I’ve been really open to friendships from all of them however I know it’ll take some time but I hope I can go from calling them “brothers” to calling them brothers.. STILL,  Proud to be a Phi Delt and definitely can’t wait to see what the future holds with meeting guys from other chapters, alumni, and building lifelong relationships. It just feels damn good to be apart of something.

Best Regards,

Bombshell Boyfriend

It’s for you..

If there’s someone you’ve been holding onto, this post is for you..

Recently I “lost” someone, if you can call it that– It was for the best. I lost this person over something that should never have come between us but it happened and I have no regrets about it. It got me thinking about how I have always been the type of person that has historically had a hard time letting people go: Ex’s, Best friends or “Best friends”, people in general, and like most of us I have been put in a position where letting go was my only choice, I wasn’t given any other option. For every person who has left my life there has been a long and hard fight for them on my behalf that accompanied it. I fought for those friendships/relationships.. regardless of who was right or wrong in whatever it was that led us down separate paths. Each time I lost one of them, the sudden change of living my life without someone that was apart of my life for awhile always weighed on me after because I carried the memories of them and the time we spent together long after those people chose to leave my life. I tell you this so you can better understand what I’m going to say.

As you’ve probably gathered, I am passionate about most things I do. I fight for people even when they no longer give me a reason to; Everyone has their limits though. For me, I will cling to the last straw of hope, I will sacrifice many things including my pride to hold onto someone, I hold on until the respect I have for myself becomes the thing I have to sacrifice. I will never beg for anyone to stay in my life; Thats my limit.

I understand that there are reasons why people cut others off and I’m sure the reasons are just as good as any; some of the experiences that led me to cut people out of my life are that I wasn’t made a priority, my effort wasn’t valued, my trust was betrayed in some way, or they were just bad for me. Whatever your reason, if you feel that someone needs to be removed from your life by all means do it because you’re probably right (I’ve learned you should always follow your gut).

There’s an art to cutting people off and it doesn’t include treating them like less than any human should be treated. Some people take it too far. What brings me to this topic though is that I hear and see so many people, in person but especially on social media, talking about how they like to cut people off, how they feel that it makes them a “savage”.

People treat you how they treat you to begin with but if you never try to reason with them or explain how you feel about how they are treating you, cutting them off isn’t the next step. People are so afraid to talk things out. I get it, trust me, not everyone will listen, not everyone will respect your boundaries and if you come across one of those people, you let them go; I support that. But don’t do it for pride. Don’t do it to be spiteful. If you do it for the wrong reasons you’ll end up hurting yourself more.

See, I want to be the kind of person that gives chances (but not more than what is deserved) and I want to be the kind of person that holds their faith in humanity even after all the bad I have seen. People can be good and they deserve to be held onto, but when hanging onto the person brings grief and grudges along with the memories, when someones name tastes bitter in your mouth, it’s time to let go but understand this:

It’s not for the other person. It’s for you..

Best Regards,

Bombshell Boyfriend.

2017, Finding my Balance.

First of all, I hope everyone did something fantastic to bring in their New Year.. I played board games with my best friends. It was a chill night for me, which got me thinking about what I want for myself in 2017 and led us to this blog post.

So every year I set resolutions and I’m sure all of you do as well. The year before last, 2015, my resolution was to work out regularly, did I? I did.. for about 9 months, then life got busy for me, I couldn’t go everyday so I stopped going altogether. I’ve also always been a mess about organization, so then in 2016 I was really avid about planning ahead and being prepared. It worked for about 3 months. I fell off the train for a week and never cared to jump back on.

Now we’ve reached 2017, I have realized that the best way to stay true to my goals is to find the root issue in my commitment to the resolutions I’ve set for myself; Balance, or lack thereof. And giving up when I see none. (Remember this last sentence. It’s important)

I’ve always been the type of person that leans towards one extreme or another. I’m the type of person that if I can’t go to the gym everyday, I won’t go at all. Same with studying, watching a tv show, or reading a book. If I can’t commit to something regularly and I fall off schedule just once, I tend to say “whatever” and put it on the back burner. I’m an all or nothing type person in the most extreme way. Sometimes I take life too seriously and I know I need to work on that. I need to find balance.

2016 was really good about throwing off my balance– knocking me down, and giving me time to pick myself back up. Without the falling down we can’t enjoy the climb back up. Each action compliments the other.

Life is a constant tug of war between balance and imbalance, it’s a big chaotic mess but that’s okay. There will be weeks you stick to the choices you feel provide your life with balance and there will be days you crave to let go, live outside of your controlling nature, and just go with the flow. I hope you know that those days will be some of the best days of your life and that this helps you realize what I have realized; Nothing is perfect. Nothing will ever be perfect. I realized in 2016 that balance IS falling off the train and finding the motivation to get back on. I realized that balance is imbalance. But the balance you seek has always been there. It’s there between the moments you feel put together and the moments you don’t, and when you open your eyes and allow yourself to see that, it becomes more than enough to get you on a good path.

Best regards,

Bombshell Boyfriend.