What do you crave? That is a very broad question but if you give yourself 5 seconds, tops, to think about it, something should come to mind. I know what I crave..
This post is to remind you to tap into your old self every now and then and see what you’ve learned.
What my past self would have said in 2010:
“I haven’t always been the most popular person, especially in high school. It doesn’t bother me though because I have been trying to figure out who I am and I don’t care that people know that (I’m lying I don’t even know who I am and I care too much about what other people think). I have about four friends I really care about but even then I feel so alone at times, and it’s been like that on and off. Believe it or not though, I feel a sort of peace in this loneliness because I don’t have to worry about anything or anyone. I am a recluse but at times I don’t want to hangout with anyone, I just want to be alone with myself. I have lost people, I have been through more heartbreaks than anyone should go through. I’ve lost friends, relationships, family. Loss sucks and it makes life harder to endure. Honestly, part of the reason I take things so hard is because I throw my entire being into people when I really care for them; friend, boyfriend, doesn’t matter. I just do. That’s who I am. So to avoid the pain of that loss, to prevent myself from feeling what I have in the past, I seclude myself. I do nothing therefore I achieve nothing. I refuse to put myself out into the world. I’m keeping myself at a standstill because I crave the security I’ve found in being alone and there is something addicting in the comfort of knowing that there is no one there for me to lose because I’ve cut myself off from everyone. So I crave loneliness”
What I have taken away from my past self:
“All you need is balance: too much socialization and you lose who you are to become who people want you to be, too little socialization and you’ve lost everyone you care about. I realized life includes loss, and loss is painful, but in my experience — it is better to go through something with the people you love than to go through something and be truly alone. You can take breaks from people, but let them be just that, breaks. Come back to the real world, pull yourself out of the comfort of your loneliness where you can see your way back into the people and places, the experiences and the moments that bring you happiness and make you happy to be alive, that make you happy to be human and cause you to wonder how you got so lucky. Allow yourself to fall, build resistance to the pain and the fear of that pain so that it never hinders you from experiencing the best life has to offer, and let it grow you and strengthen you into the best parts of everyone you surround yourself with because at the end of the day that is how we get by, not by being alone but by being the best parts of everyone who loves us, taking little pieces of light from theirselves that they have shared with us and creating ourselves from it to get us through the darkness. Everyone you meet has contributed something to you enough to mold you into who you are today, some did it by hurting you, some by showing you love, but both serve the purpose of making you stronger.
So do you want to know what I crave? Peace. Inner peace with myself and those around me, enough peace to know that I can go on a social hiatus to find the parts of myself I may have lost or have not yet found, and know that when I come back, the people I left behind will be there waiting to help me piece what I’ve learned about myself back together.”