There are three types of people on this earth when it comes to destiny: those who believe it has been predetermined by some greater power with a path already cut out for each of us, those who believe we make our own path, and those somewhere in-between. If you’ve ever given it any thought, which are you? I hadn’t, not until recently.
It’s been at least a couple of months since I’ve written anything, several nights I just stared at my computer screen.. attempting to think of something to write. The other night, after work I was looking up at the sky then I looked down to the ground.. and through a perfect layer of long since dried cement, spread over a parking lot with no cracks, no defects, no imperfections, there stood the tiniest tree-looking-thing which had managed to grow through. Maybe I’m over thinking it, I do that sometimes, but I started to think of how we are all similar to that tiny tree, how if we didn’t try to hide ourselves or bury ourselves under layers of cement (so to speak), if we weren’t afraid of taking chances and breaking through the layers of cement we are buried under, we would find ourselves a new path, one we can thrive on.
Relationship wise, I’ve been scared to give myself to anyone recently and really for the last four years. My reluctance hasn’t been solely because of what I’ve been through, but also because of what I’ve seen my friends go through, but because of what I saw (with the tiny tree), I’ve decided that I can’t force it—I’ve tried that and it hasn’t worked. I have to sit back, let it happen and be able to recognize something good when I see it. This is the kind of destiny I think has to be allowed to find its’ way to us, rather than making it happen, at first anyway. I do believe relationships can only survive when you choose someone everyday for the rest of your life and they do the same for you. Career wise, I’ve been scared to switch but I KNOW that I am unhappy where I am. I know that I need the job I have for now. However, I have proactively been scouring for a new workplace to call home. I know this is just a college job, but I want to be somewhere I am comfortable. This is the kind of situation where it requires a bit of choice and a bit of chance, for example you see a job posting somewhere and that’s your chance, and then you just have to make the choice to go for it. School wise, I did so well my first two semesters here but I did had to drop my math class this past semester, it’s been rough and I’ve been trying to force myself to learn but I know I can’t do it by myself so I’m just going to have to buck up and ask. I feel stupid for asking something that everyone else seems to understand and that’s been my reluctance thus far. This is the kind of situation where you purely have to make your own path because no one will give you what you need unless you go find them and ask for it first, Success is a choice.
I guess after everything I’ve said I’m one of the “in-betweeners”. I think we really have to be because that’s balance. Extremes aren’t something I can deal with. I need to have someone who’s willing to compromise. That’s really the only way I believe anything in this world can thrive whether it’s a relationship, a treaty for world peace, or anything else. I don’t know what this blog post was supposed to be about but maybe I can let you interpret that for yourselves. Don’t ever think you’re too weak to break through someones layer of cement or too tough to let anyone in, if they made it into your heart, consider that it’s for a reason. If you’re presented with an opportunity, don’t pass it up, you can do it and you’re not the first to think you couldn’t— I’m sure of it. Don’t think asking for help makes you weak, in fact I believe it’s just the opposite. The strongest and brightest of people seek help, and that’s what makes them wise. On that note, I hope you carry this advice with you wherever you go.