If you’re in a toxic relationship, this one’s for you. Recently I got asked a question from one of you, I won’t say who but you inspired this post so I’m going to pour my entire heart and soul into answering it for you.
It’s never easy you know, knowing in the back of your mind that you NEED to do something but wanting to do the opposite. It’s the war on our heart brought on by our mind. I have been there a few times. And do you want to know how I got out of it? How I brought my mind and my heart to come to peace with one another?
You know he’s bad for you. Or you know she’s bad for you. Whatever the case for you.. it’s time to start thinking about yourself. Use your head for a second and ask yourself these questions: what if my mom, brother, sister, best friend, dad, aunt (whoever you know truly loves you) –knew I was in this kind of relationship? Would they be happy for me? ARE they happy for me? Would they one hundred percent support this? More importantly, would I want this for them?
If the answer to that last question is no, use that as your motivation and let your strength come from that. Lean on your family, your friends, God– if you so choose. Leave the situation behind, think about your life for a minute or a few minutes.. Think a little further down the line, if you stayed in this relationship can you truly see yourself being happy a year from now, five years from now, forever? Do you stay because you’re happy or because you’re comfortable? There’s such a huge difference in the two. One is temporary and vulnerable to break within a second, because comfortable only lasts as long as they care for you, as long as they’re true to you, as long as you have what you have now but what happens when the relationship becomes too toxic: abuse; mentally, physically even: You DON’T want that for yourself trust me. Happiness comes from someone who loves you and if you can recognize that you’re in a toxic relationship then why would you stay.. you wouldn’t stay in a car if you knew it was about to crash would you? So why would you stay in a relationship you know won’t make you happy? No amount of temporary comfort is worth your happiness. You think you need him? Or that you need her? But you don’t. It’s just something you tell yourself to keep yourself comfortable. You only need to love yourself enough to let go of them. If they stop putting you first, try to control you, or anything that isn’t love, their love is inadequate and you can love yourself better than they can.
I brought my heart to terms with my mind by awakening inside of myself what no one else could ever take away from me; the protective instincts I have over those I love, and I turned myself into one of those people, someone I love; I started to work on me, doing things I loved, I literally ripped myself out of my comfort zone, I up and moved, there were nights I just wanted to go back home and give up. My situation was just having to deal with moving on from someone who cheated on me, but it’s scary because I have witnessed abusive relationships both mentally and physically and I can’t imagine. So do me a favor.. no, better yet do yourSELF a favor.. find a way to fall in love with yourself and your life. Turn yourself into a person your loved ones would be proud of and when that happens, I promise you that the light inside of you, your beacon.. it’ll call out to the person who will treat you right, who will love you unconditionally like you will one day do in return for them. Keep this in the back of your mind and let it be the hope you hang on to when you think of breaking down because better things are coming.
“Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.” -The Hunger Games: Catching Fire