Everyone has something about them that they struggle with. Some people have issues with their weight, some people with their quirky personalities; they just don’t seem to fit in.
When I was in high school, I had this friend and at the time I was only beginning to understand the part of myself that I would struggle with for the next several years and still do some days, not because I don’t accept myself or love myself, because I definitely do (now), but because being different in the way that I am different makes it hard to get close to people.
People are so opinionated which is fine because there are people that can have completely opposite views as compared to yours and still be completely cool with you, but there are those that are too stuck in the ways they feel about a particular subject to ever be at peace with someone they feel betrays those beliefs. For me it’s been homosexuality, thats what I’ve struggled with, being shunned by people I thought cared, for nothing more than loving the same sex. It makes it hard to get close to anyone or to want to get close to anyone, close in the way that friends should be able to, talking about relationships, issues, life, problems, concerns, joys, happiness, milestones, etc. Plainly stated: it hurts.
If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that when you finally get ready to share a part of yourself with someone you care for (as a friend/best-friend), no matter how many times you mentally prepare yourself saying, “they either accept you or they don’t”; the loss of someone who you thought actually cared about you more than the differences you have, well it never hurts any less and I’ve lost good friends because of this. It’s not something about myself that I can change, not over time, not ever. It’s not like losing weight, you can’t just drop it. You don’t choose who you love, and being attracted to the same sex is no exception to that.
Every experience with this, however awful, has made me stronger and more resilient; I can bounce back faster than most. I still care too much and I still fear that people, at the end of the day, will want to change who I am or will choose to remove themselves from my life, but I’m not afraid to be myself anymore. There comes a time in your life when you become truly comfortable in your own skin, so much so that you stop trying to hide certain parts of you.. and you just hope that the people who care about you, will care enough not to let those differences drive you apart and that someday they may even love you because of them, those attributes about you that make you “you” down to your very soul. Everyone wants to feel that kind of love and acceptance. If that time for you hasn’t come yet don’t worry, I’m here to let you know that it will, your time will come; I promise. Until then, learn to love yourself; that’s a power no one can take from you.